Beauty Lessons Part Two

Jeff was one of the first boys who I can honestly say I liked. And when I say 'liked' I mean in the same way that all girls my age like boys their age. He was my first crush.

Like so many boys his age Jeff was not ready to start liking girls as anything more than friends.  He actually gave me this rose because we were having lunch with his mom and mine and his Mom thought it would be a nice gesture.

His mom did not know that Yvonne was not my birth name.  She only knew Mom through their mutual membership in a service club.

As Jeff and I were the same age, and he was bigger than me, as we were sitting on the bench waiting for our table, I found myself wondering if his penis was bigger than mine.  

Now it was a weird reason why I did so.  I had such a small penis even for a little boy Mom said that it was never a problem hiding my penis when I wore a pantsuit such as this one.  I thought that if Jeff was larger 'down there' that he would have a more difficult time being a girl.  But that was okay with me.  I liked him being a boy.  I wanted him to have a really big penis so he would never be a girl like me.

It is weird how we develop such ideas as a child.  I started to think about boys with big penis as boys who were really boys -- boys I should like.  Boys who had a small penis like mine might really be a girl like me.  Okay, I know it sound silly to say it now.  But I was only seven years old and for whatever reason I wanted
Jeff to have a big penis.  Later I would learn that he would come to have a big penis.

It was something unique to me as a little girl in that I knew that having a penis is why most boys are regarded as boys.  There was something very important about having a penis and not having a penis.

I was really nervous the first time I went to a public swimming pool as Yvonne.  I was afraid some one would be able to tell I had a peepee. Mom reduced (as opposed to erased) my concerns by tapping my penis back between my legs. Truth be told, I do not think the taping really made all that big of difference as I was simply so timy down there.

Before we went to the pool, my Mom made it very clear to me that I looked just like a real little girl in my Indian style swimsuit. She told me I had to learn now to be comfortable in all sorts of places and situations as a girl. She even suggested that I was getting old enough that I should not need her to take my hand each time I went to the girls room.

Later at the pool, I had a great time. I meet this one boy named Dennis who was really cute. He was obviously a few years older than me but as I said he was really cute and he seemed to like teasing me and such.

As we were standing by the pool at one point, I started to giggle. He seemed to know right away why I was laughing and jumped into the pool.

Later when I told Mom about the boy and how his penis had started to get larger and Mom smiled. "See Yvonne, I told you that everything would be find." When I asked Mom why it had done that she replied, "For now just consider it a compliment. He liked you."

There was now another piece of the puzzle. A boy had liked me -- if I was to believe Mom. And his penis had started growing bigger. Mine never did that. (Later I would learn never say never) so I had additional clues that there was something very special about a boy's penis.

It may be a bit of an overstement to say that my fascination with cock began that day beside the pool seeing my first erection -- not that it was all that big, but it was still an erection. However, while it may not been the beginning, it had definitely planted some seeds for thought. It would not be much longer (a year or so) when I would start to hear words likd 'cocksucker' and 'fuck' and even 'faggot.' My fascination with cock did not begin that day. But it was a compelling desire that would one day become the very reason for my being.