I am quite sure that my life would have gone in an entirely different direction if my Mom had known in the earliest that I was destined to be a whore. Now I could be kinder to myself and label myself as I do in my postings on Craigslist and other web venues as a escort, but why try to hide behind a label. When men call me up and invite me over and give me money, they do so because they know that whatever label I may go by I am still just a whore.
When I say that my life would have gone differently if my Mom had known the path I was on, I am not trying to suggest that it was her choice that I ended up on this path.
While not unlike anyone and everyone else on the planet, I cannot fully explain why I am who I am, from what I have pieced together from conversations and insights I had over the years, my mother and I have share responsibility for my life path. Maybe not share as in 50-50, but shared as in each of us got what we wanted from the life I came to lead.
I am not going to suggest that it was necessarily orignally about being a girl for my Mom. As her 'daughter,' my mother treated me differently than she did as a 'son.' I came to understand that being a girl for Mom was a better way to get what I wanted.
By the time I was six or maybe seven years old, neither Mom nor I would have been content going back to strictly a mother-son relatinship.
Mom simply enjoyed having a daughter and I wanted to be a girl. We both got what we wanted.
Where things maybe too a bit of a left turn for me, not that I am complianing about my life, is that Mom recognized that life would be a real struggle for me. As such she felt it was important for me to be all the girl I could be and by encouraging me to be more of a girl, she encouraged me to be . . . well, while I hate to say it , more of a whore.
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