Eight Years Old -- A Turning Point

I may have still been seven years old, but I feel pretty certain a major turning point in my life occurred shortly my eighth birthday.  I heard my mother refer to "Yvonne' as a 'phase' that Glen was going through.

When I asked Mom later what 'phase' meant and she explained the term, I made it very clear to her that Yvonne was not a 'phase' for me.

My mother did not argue the point.  Instead she merely said that sometimes adult tell lies because they know what other adults want to hear.  She knew it to be more than a phase for me, but any other explanation would have been unacceptable to her friend.

While I found my mother's explanation of what had been said and why acceptable, it did raise an issue for me.  If Mom's friend saw Yvonne as just a phase, how many other people that I knew felt the same way.  I knew my Dad wanted me to outgrow Yvonne and neither of my oldeer brothers were 'on board' with the whole Yvonne thing.

I felt more confident than not that Joey accepted me as his big sister when I was dressed as his big sister.  However as I looked around and everyone else I saw no one that seem truly supportive beyond Mom and to a lesser extent Joey.

Mom had over the last several months started have me posing for pictures that she submitted to modeling opportunities.

I was already competing in beauty pageants and while I had yet to win so much as a ribbon, I felt I was learning more and more about what I needed to do to compete in these pageants. I even had my own YouTube channel where I would occasionly model my dresses and share my experiences as Yvonne.

So what was the turning point in my life. I decided I had to start being more of a girl -- not a girl just for my Mom or when it was convenient for my Mom, but all the time. Now I did not have the option to be a girl all the time. Dad would never have allowed it. But I no longer felt like I had to ask permission for Mom to be a girl. For instance, when I enter a talent show at school and I told my Mom about doing so, I did not ask if it would be okay for me to perform as Yvonne. Other contestants were wearing cosutmes and while I did not consider my Yvonne's clothes a costume, I felt I could tell the teachers the lie they wanted to hear.

Maybe more importantly I decided I needed to do more to get boys to like me. I had always liked boys and I had even had boys who I knew liked me. But not unlike many adults, I had begun to sense that they saw it as more a game than anything real. And it was very real for me.