I would be lying, or maybe to be fairer misleading, my readers if I did not admit that on a very essential level I need men to fuck me to truly feel whole as a woman. I need their power and their control (as the video below so perfectly unveils).
This is not something that came with age or when I became a whore. Each and every time I made the decision to please a man, when it was my brother when I was ten, Jon when I was twelve, Joey when I was fourteen. I knew saying 'No' to what a man (or boy) wanted made me somehow less of a girl, less of a woman.
And I am not talking only about sex so it goes back further. It goes back to the times boys wanted to kiss me and I would let them kiss me. When boys wanted to see my panties, I would show them my panties.
I truly believe that there is a reason girls wear dresses and skirts that can easily be lifted. Feminine clothing is designed to make it easier for men to fuck us.
While I cannot say that I knew the logic behind my desires, but a part of me believes that the reason I enjoyed dressing as a girl is because it made me weaker, more vulnerable, more submissive.
As each of us grow up we see the world as it is and we attach our own meaning to that world. While I would never suggest that as a young boy of four or five I wanted to dress as a girl so I could have sex with boys. Social relationships been men and women is largely dictated by sex and as I grew older the social relationship I craved was that of the feminine, submissive, obedient woman over that of being a man.
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