This photo of me and my family is rather unique. It is one of the few photos of me posing with my family, my entire family. In fact it is also the first photo of me posing with my entire family. I should probably be more specific. It is the first photo of me with my family as Yvonne.
My three brother in this photo are Paul (sitting in front of me), Ryan and standing in the back row is my younger brother Joey. I was the third child, the third son, born to the Barry and Nancy Martin. Not uncommonly as I was growing up, coming to understand the world, I would hear Mom tell new friends that Dad and her had wanted me to be a girl.
As I said, it was a oft-heard story and I heard it several times. Mom would tell the story whenever someone would comment that it must be a 'handful' raising four boys. However it seemed to me that as I grew older that Mom was not telling new friends the story, but rather repeating it to me.
One day when she told the story,(Dad was not around and Paul and Ryan were at school), after she was done with her rote recital, she looked at me and smile, added, "Of all my boys I am quite sure that Glen would have been the prettiest girl.' She paused and lingering her glance on me added, "If Glen had been born a girl, she would have been her dad's and my little princess.
There were reasons for her belief in how pretty I would have been as a girl. We would often play a game where Mom would dress me up as her little girl while my Dad was away at work and my brothers were at school. She knew when she made this comment that I really loved dressing up and pretending to be a princess.
Before Mom and Dad had married, she had started her own business. She had a dance studio for teaching boys and girls to dance. As they had decided to stop at a family of four, Mom tried to get her business re-started after years of raising a family.
One day she heard of a talent show at a local mall. She did not have many students in her class and most of the parents were not open to their children dancing in public. She needed a boy and a girl for the number she wanted to perform and all she had was one boy.
Listening to my Mom talk on the phone to someone regarding her frustration at lacking a girl for the show, when she hung up the phone, I went up to her and asked. "Can I be in the show Mommy? Would that help you?"
She smiled and shook her head and said. "I already have a little boy, Glen. I need a little girl."
I did not add 'for the show.' That was not the message I wanted her to hear. It was not what I had wanted to say for months. The show was just an excuse to finally say it out loud.
There was a moment as she looked at me when I was so afraid that she would say 'No.' She was about to speak and then she caught herself. She shook her head. All the signs of a real dilemna. Finally, she said, "Are you sure? This isn't like our game. This would be out in public. Where everyone can see."
"I want to be a little girl for you Mommy. I want to dance in the show for you. I want to do this for you Mommy."
At the next dance lesson, Mom pulled me and Tony aside from the rest of the class and said she wanted us to perform as a couple for the show. "The only problem is that I need one of you to be a little girl for the show." She looked at Tony first and he shook his head violently and let it know it would never happen. Then she look at me. 'What about you Glen. Will you be a girl for this dance.?" She had instructed me to say 'No' and then when I did she said 'Please, it would mean so much to your Mommy to do this for her." I then relented as Mom and I had planned.
The recital went off without a hitch. Everyone said I did a great job and while it may have been just kind words they felt real to me as a little girl. What I never told my Mom until years later is that over the weeks of rehearsal in preparation for the show, I had developed a crush on Tony, my dance partner. I was not just dancing with a boy as a girl, I was dancing as a girl with a boy I really, really liked. Tony was just so cute.
As we drove home from the show, Mom could tell I was all excited. I had liked being a girl in front of so many people. I had liked dancing with Tony. I loved shaking my hips and acting as girlie as I could. Mom could see I was excited so she reminded me that once we got home, I would have to change out of my dress and not tell any of the boys about my dancing. And I especially could not tell Daddy.
Dance would become a lifelong pleasure of mine and one that it turned out worked to my advantage when I was much older and my clients were looking for a show.
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