Paul and I Vow To Never Fuck Again

For several long moments after Paul rolled off of me, the only sound in the room was that of each of us gasping to catch our breath. It had only been about fifteen minutes or so of sex, but for each of us it was our first time. When Paul finally did speak, he said, "That was so fucking good." (Did I moan in agreement?) "We can never do that again?"  What had we done?

"Right," I replied. "Never again." It was not until he had me sit up and look him right in the eyes that I began to sense that he was serious. (He could not be serious. It had been so good.  That was not what I wanted.  That would not have been my choice.  That was not me.  ) "Let's make a vow, a promise to each other we will never break."

I had already agreed with him. He seemed so determined to follow through on this vow. I did not want the vow, but I was swept up in the moment. With minutes of losing my virginity, I was making a pledge to once again protect my innocence.  I had just learned so much about myself.  I wanted to learn more.  (Of course, I was only ten.  What I would come to learn of myself would be lessons learned much later in life.  What did I learn about myself in later years?)

I do not truly know if Paul was more bothered by fucking me as his little sister or fucking a guy. Was incest or being a faggot his fear? Or did he simply see it as wrong?  I was not concerned about incest.  It seemed less wrong to me as I could not get pregnant.  As to being with a boy, if it had not been Paul it would have been some other boy.  All I knew at the time is that I had enjoyed getting fucked.  Yes, it had been painful at time, but painful it a way that made me feel so complete.  I not only enjoyed getting fucked.  I really realy enjoyed getting fucked.

For whatever reason or reasons Paul felt what we had down was wrong.  Was it wrong?  I cannot argue with that moral judgement.  However I had a different moral compass since I had started hearing Mom with other men when Dad was a way at work.  As best as I could tell,, when it came to sex, therre really were no rules that could not be broken.  While many would suggest that Paul had been to blame as my older brother, was he really at fault?  Or was he simply a fourteen year old boy with a hard dick in his shorts?  And I was not without blame.  While still quite naive about sex and how it applied to me, I had been a temptress around Paul in recent months.

I was not happy having found sex and then having it taken from me.  It was not like I could just walk up to any boy at the age of ten and asked to be fucked.  It would be four years before I would get fucked fucked again.  And as before it would be my brother to do so.  But not my older brother Paul.  It would be my younger brother Joey.

A couple weeks after we fucked Paul asked if he could talke to me.  He had been to my YouTube Channel. He did not like some of the videos I had posted recently.  Of and by themselves, they were all quite innocent.  But they had a different meaning to a fourteen year old guilt-ridden boy.  I thought he was a bit to concerned about my videos, but I had wanted him to see them.  And I had wanted him to know they were for him.  So missision accomplished.  That is just who I am.

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