In Defense of Paul

If I was to compile a list of my regrets, I know exactly what would be at the top of that list. I am rather confident that if Paul compiled a similar list the very same regret would be at the top of his list. There is absolutely no question about it -- Paul and I should not have had sex.

As I was only ten at the time and Paul was my oldest brother, I could definitely understand why some would suggest that it was his fault, that he did more wrong than me.  I feel I need to come to his defense.

First of all it is important to remember that Paul was only fourteen at the time. He had just started high school.  It isn't like he was in college or something real extreme.  No excuse.  Granted.

But it should not be forgotten I was not a ten year old girl.  I was a ten year old boy.  I was even a tall boy for my age. When one consider the differences between a boy of ten and a girl of ten coupled with my being tall, I presented myself more as a girl of twelve or even thirteen.  Okay still no excuse but as I said I am defending my brother not defending our choices.

While I have no similar pictures of myself at the age of ten, this image her was taken when I was still only thirteen. I do not think it takes much imagination on the part of any male to convince himself that I could easily be a girl of sixteen or even older. This speaks something to the nature of what happened that day.

It should also be stressed that I was desperately trying to assert myself as a girl.  Two years before I had made a decision  that I would be a girl and I didn't care how any one else thought on the question.

I had gone out of my way to continually remind particularly my brothers that when I was older I would be a girl.  That I was not going to be a boy some of the time and a girl some of the time.

Now I would like to stress once again that now of this made it right what we did that day.  I guess what I am trying to say and this has just occurred to me is  that Paul could not help himself.  He liked me as a girl and his penis wanted me so he asked if he could fuck me.  I was not a girl likely to say 'No' when asked and so we fucked.

I was not going to share this video of Paul and I that day.  I had already shared an audio portion of the video but I had been reluctant to share the video as Paul (unlike myself) is clearly identifable.  But I feel it is important for those who want to judge Paul poorly for what happened that you see I was a very willing participant.